Why, oh why must such a brilliant poet forget the punctuation? You know what to do - get those commas, colons, semi-colons etc IN.
Your rhythm is pretty good, though it comes off the rails at points: "And wonder where the life’s gone/While counting those who have done us wrong" - the first line needs one more syllable, the second needs one less. There's a few of those; I reckon you can spot 'em if you read it though out loud a couple of times.
And finally - your rhyme was a angel-like breath of fresh air. Really, really added to the poem in every case - it's rare I'll say that, so you've got it absolutely on the nose.
You are, as always, one of those I enjoy reading pretty much every time; well done.
Points: 1726
Reviews: 266
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