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Young Writers Society



Our Just Desserts

by xanthan gum


Please come and sit a while with me
By candlelight in moonshine’s hour
We’ll whisper to the tongue of fire
And wonder where the life’s gone
While counting those who have done us wrong
Our speech is delicate – amours, affairs, demise
We count their stories and unweave their lies
Sitting here among the candlelight
Our secrets will sprout – take wing, take flight

Our heads, they burn with marks of gossip
Tongue-setting ourselves straight
We titter to the jokes we make
The threats, the insults, we derogate
We’ll sit just for a while
Confidential moments stuck in time
Obscuring people and their meanings in their life
For we, oh, we must justify
The reasons why they’ll live or die
For we do not complain or cry
Perfection just a speaking trial
And, after all, we’re not sure who was convicted here

I hope you enjoyed our time by the fireside
And please don’t speak outside these walls
This is no secret, no clandestine,
But perhaps best not told of
For we do not indulge by the candlelight
Or so it seems in other’s eyes
When they sit, locked up with their friends
Tittering, counting, drinking fine wine
I’m sure that they do not indulge
And nor do I


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266 Reviews


Points: 1726
Reviews: 266

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Thu Mar 09, 2006 5:27 pm
backgroundbob wrote a review...



Why, oh why must such a brilliant poet forget the punctuation? You know what to do - get those commas, colons, semi-colons etc IN.

Your rhythm is pretty good, though it comes off the rails at points: "And wonder where the life’s gone/While counting those who have done us wrong" - the first line needs one more syllable, the second needs one less. There's a few of those; I reckon you can spot 'em if you read it though out loud a couple of times.

And finally - your rhyme was a angel-like breath of fresh air. Really, really added to the poem in every case - it's rare I'll say that, so you've got it absolutely on the nose.

You are, as always, one of those I enjoy reading pretty much every time; well done.




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3821 Reviews


Points: 3891
Reviews: 3821

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Thu Mar 09, 2006 4:03 am
Snoink says...



This is a pretty poem.

There are some rhymes in here, (make/derogate, demise/lies) and I was wondering whether they were intentional or not.

But pretty poem. And nice imagery.





I was never insane except upon occasions when my heart was touched.
— Edgar Allan Poe